I haven’t written for awhile, it seems like I am having these one month breaks into everything I post. It’s not for the lack of ideas or anything. I just finally made the changes I needed to in life.
I still have along way to go in fixing mistakes of past, making it up to people and going out and getting what I really need and want. I can’t help but think I am on the right bath in life now. Multiple mistakes and bad choices of past are sure coming back to haunt me but I have been able to be much happier now a days. I can only thank one person for that.they have also helped me open multiple other doors to let people know that this change and difference in my life is legit.
I left the person I was with for the last 5 years the person that I shut so many other people out and tore my life apart for. I declined jobs, pushed friends away, pretty much took my life and clicked the delete button on the whole thing for somebody else. I don’t blame her for doing it, that’s just who she was. I blame my self for putting my self in a situation where I had to delete people, forget hobbies, Stop doing the basic things in life to keep me happy.
Now I’m stuck in this learning experience where I need to learn how to socialize,have friends, date. I’m sure It doesn’t seem like those are such a big deal like that’s what happens when you break up, but growing up with anxiety and depression. Than suddenly being with someone that makes it so much worse that made me think everything was okay by taking everything out of my life.
I’m glad I finally woke up but learning everything all over again definitely has been a challenge I have to learn things over again but I also have to learn new things being there for my son in the ways he needs it have been difficult specially because I don’t know what he needs yet.
I’m not anywhere close to where I should have been in my life now I thought I would have had a house some dogs 2 kids, the job, you name it the “perfect” life,
I can’t say it’s all bad though What I do got is 2 people that have my heart and mean the world to me and finally a happy home for me and my son.
It was hard to leave and admit that I was wrong that I just wasted the last 6 years of my life that I grew this “life” in completely the wrong way. It’s going be a journey that not everyone will agree with and it will have a lot of hard times ahead but I’m tired of just taking the easy way in life and just accepting not being happy.